Child Training
By
JB Miller

So much is known these days about child rearing that we can sometimes forget the simple truths the Bible conveys on the subject. Perhaps the most well-known advice from the Bible on raising children is found in Prov. 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." How simple, and yet, with all the research done today on how to best teach our children, this advice still stands.
The task of raising children is one of the most important jobs anyone can take on. It is good to know that God has provided us with His word, from which we can glean some basic principles to help guide us in this endeavor. We would like to examine just a few of these principles.

Love
It may seem unnecessary to tell a parent to love their child, but that is exactly what Paul does in Titus 2:4: "That they [the older women] may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children." We know that the love we are called to in the Bible is not just a fond feeling towards someone, but a self-sacrificing love. This passage is not instructing the older women to simply tell the young women to be fond of their children. This love includes taking care of the physical, mental, and spiritual needs of the children, part of which includes teaching them discipline, even when it is not easy. The principle of love will guide parents to make sure all the other principles are imparted to their children.

Instruction in God's ways
The book of Proverbs is a wonderful resource for parents, as one of the purposes of the book is, "to [give] the young man knowledge and discretion" (Prov. 1:4). In addition to the previously quoted verse on child rearing, Proverbs tells us a lot about the importance of proper instruction when children are young. Prov. 1:7 says, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction." We must teach our children this fear, or reverence, when they are young, so that they may be wise when they are old.

There are many biblical examples of good parents, and all of them had something in common – they took their children's spiritual education seriously. In Gen. 18:19, we are told that God said of Abram: "I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment." We also read of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1:27, 28, who said, "For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him: Therefore also I have lent him to the LORD; as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the LORD." We must always remember, like our biblical examples, that our children do not belong to us, but to God, and we must raise them as such.

Consistent boundaries
If we want our children to grow up to love and serve God, who sets boundaries his people must live within, we must begin when they are very young. Teaching them consistency and self-discipline early will give them the best start to a life filled with service. Training, the Bible calls it. To some the word training brings images of dogs and whistles, but children truly must be trained to behave. We cannot let them live undisciplined lives and then expect them to follow the rules when it's really important.
Just as an adult must practice to achieve goals, it will take practice for a child to learn the discipline involved in sitting still during church, sharing toys, and respecting elders, to name a few. These things can all be practiced at home, before they are needed in public. This can help greatly reduce the embarrassment a parent feels when their child misbehaves in public, which can often result in punishments that result from the embarrassment and not the actual offense.

There is a story sometimes told as an example of the need for boundaries. If a person is put into a dark room where he cannot see the walls, he will spend a significant amount of time reaching out blindly for them. He will not be able to move freely within the space he does have, because he will be constantly searching for boundaries, so he won't bump into them. On the other hand, if he is shown where the walls, or boundaries, are, he may move freely within this space, knowing clearly where the boundaries lie. This has a very strong application to children. We often hear that children need boundaries, and it really is true. Children function much better when they have structure and consistency. Are we really preparing our children for life and service to God if we do not provide them with the discipline that will be required of them later in life? It may be easier in the short term to give in to whining, but it will not help them later, when they must learn to comply with the commands of teachers, employers, and God's word.

Attitude counts
Sometimes when raising children, it is easy to accidentally give the impression that compliance is what counts, and not attitude. Obviously, children must obey, but they must also have a proper attitude. It is important not to convey to them the idea of, "You don't have to like it; you just have to do it." This attitude will not work in our service to God, so it is not appropriate to teach to our children, although it may be the first step when they are very young. As soon as we are able, though, we must teach them that we are to be cheerful in our service. We can model this behavior ourselves by being cheerful and ready to serve when we are needed. We can look to the scriptures, where we are told, in Col. 3: 23, "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily [other versions say cheerfully], as to the Lord, and not unto men." We also know that one of the fruit of the Spirit is joy, and we must teach this attitude to our children when they are young. This can and must be practiced – it will not come naturally.
It is also important to make sure our own actions do not reinforce the tendency we all have to be more concerned with outcome than attitude. Consider these two scenarios:
 

Scenario #1: A child is bouncing a ball indoors and has repeatedly been told to stop. The bouncing continues, despite numerous warnings. The mother finally informs the child that she will count to three, and if the bouncing is still going on, the child will be in trouble. On 2 ½, the child puts down the ball and stomps off. The mother continues with her business.

Scenario #2: A child is bouncing a ball indoors and is asked to stop. This time, the child complies, but in the act of putting the ball back in its place, accidentally knocks a vase off the table and it shatters. The mother yells at the child and immediately inflicts whatever punishment she has in mind.

These scenarios demonstrate the tendency we all have to punish based on the outcome and not the attitude of the child. The first child was allowed to ignore the mother until the very last chance, then display a bad attitude, with no consequences, whereas the second child was punished for an accident that occurred while he was trying to obey. What lessons has each child learned about his attitude?

These are just a few of the principles to keep in mind while trying to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the LORD. While we are given no guarantee that our children will choose to serve God, we know that following the advice we read in the Bible will increase the likelihood of that outcome.

Deuteronomy 6: 6,7: "And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto they children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."

 

JB Miller keeps busy as an Assistant Behavior Therapist and writer.  She also enjoys reading and quilting.  If you would like to comment on this article, feel free to email writers@blessedlady.com.

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