I Surrender!!!

by Valerie Cromartie

On 9/19/06, I took my 1998 van into a reputable business for an annual inspection (remember the date because it’s key to the rest of the story).  I knew it would probably not pass the inspection because the service engine light was on.  The car had been serviced numerous times for that same problem.  The inspector completed what he could, charged me $23.50 then informed me that I would need to drive it for 150 miles and if the service engine light went out I could return within 30 days, have another inspection and only pay $6.50 to get the sticker.

Well, like most women with too much already on their plates, I put it on the back burner thinking I had at least 29 days to come up with a solution.  I drove the car for more than 150 miles, talked to a couple of backyard mechanics, had a  couple of diagnostic tests done (you know the free ones) and the problem lingered up until the 18th of October.

While at home sick, on my third day from work, I realized I had less time and fewer choices remaining. I figured taking the car to the dealership might be a good idea since, in my mind, THE PROBLEM WAS NEVER REALLY FIXED. So I dragged my smelly self up, showered and went to the dealership. As I had expected, the service technician spoke some technical language that I didn’t quite understand.  I, being a mature responsible, God fearing Christian woman, did what I thought was reasonable under those circumstances…I started crying. 

The service manager felt so sorry for me he replied, “Well Ma’am how ‘bout you bring it back in tomorrow morning and we run a diagnostic check for free.”  I agreed to that although I didn’t know what good that would do since I had recently had two other diagnostics and they all said the same thing, message unknown, return to dealer.

Why we procrastinate when a decision has to be made I don’t know. Now you’re probably wondering why I just didn’t get the dumb light fixed.  Well, we’re talking hundreds of dollars here…or so the technician said.  So I walked back to my van thinking of the four new tires I had recently purchased, along with the wheel alignment and oil change recently completed.

Now I’m thinking, why can’t they just turn the stupid service engine light off.  I get back into my car feeling trapped.   I sit there for a moment sobbing like a little girl and I start talking to my Heavenly Father.  “I am your daughter and I am in trouble and your job is to help me, to tell me what to do, to protect me. My back is up against the wall and I have no place else to go. Help me father…I…I…surrender.” 

After a few more moments of feeling sorry for myself, I crank up the car and head out of the dealership parking lot.  I’m driving along thinking about the possible $250.00 fine if I don’t get the car inspected, the probable hundreds I would spend at the dealership if I get the stupid light fixed, the additional $30.00 for another inspection if I don’t get this thing taken care of today. 

I’m still talking to my father, feeling alone and so overwhelmed. During that moment, I peered under the steering wheel thinking how amusing it would be if the service engine light just wouldn’t come on.  I had already been told it was not an emissions problem but an electrical problem.  That’s when I noticed the service engine light….it wasn’t on. For a millisecond I thought, maybe I should just drive it around for awhile to see if the light stays off.  But, something much stronger suggested that I quickly take it back to the place where it was originally inspected.  So rushing through traffic and trying not to speed, I’m thanking God for the immediacy of His response and for His sense of humor. I’m thinking Lord thank you so much and without further hesitation I return to the site where the inspection was initiated on 9/19/06.  And you know what, the car passed the inspection. 

God I thank you for hearing my cries.  I thank you for bringing me once again to the end of myself.  And why I keep picking that yoke back up (the yoke of a strong, determined self-will), I’ll never know.  For you said in your word, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT).

Valerie is a writer, counselor and full-time mother of three. You may contact her about this article at:
Writers@BlessedLady.com

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